McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
