I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
