"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
