Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'd cum for enchiladas.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Randomize
