Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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