i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Don't tell me you're on acid again
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
