Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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