I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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