It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
