so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
