Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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