There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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