dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
