I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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