Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
