i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
