Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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