Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
