So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I need to calm my uterus...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
