So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
