Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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