Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
