I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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