what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
