we have pet lesbian snakes
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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