yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
