my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
