I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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