If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
