I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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