Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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