his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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