Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Is Oprah even human
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