Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
