I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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