We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
