I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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