dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I smell stomach acid.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
