I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
