I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
