She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
