If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
