Dual....:-)
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
