i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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