did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
