Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
