Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So vagazzling was a success
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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