Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
