sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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