Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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