woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
