Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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