wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
