Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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