bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Sober January is a disaster.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
