well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
