Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
